Does your elevator take people up?

Would it surprise you to know research shows that 80% of people have increased productivity after being praised for their work? Or that when children are praised for their efforts, and not their intelligence, they have improved scores on some tests by 30% and were eager to tackle harder tests? What about hair stylists garnering better tips by giving customers compliments on their new look?* What is the common thread in all of these examples? Specific compliments, affirmation, and encouragement.

How’s your elevator ride?

Who doesn’t enjoy receiving kudos for a job well done, or good effort put forth, but how often do we think to dole them out to others. I know I strive to do so in my daily life but occasionally fall short. The other evening I was watching the bonus features from the movie bella, and was again confronted with the importance of praise. Director/Writer, Alejandro Monteverde, said, “To me, people are elevators. You get in with them and they take you up, or you get in with them and they take you down.” That really struck a chord causing me to evaluate my words and actions. I had to ask myself is my elevator regularly taking people up or down.

It’s easy to get caught up in the flurry of work and home activities, and checking off the to-do list; taking dear family and friends a bit for granted. It’s not unusual to focus on what needs improving and forget to praise, affirm and compliment what’s right!

My best example
My Great Grandmother, Marie, was a person in my life who best exemplified Alejandro’s sentiment above. She’s pictured to the right on her 97th Birthday. For as long as I can remember she always had a kind word, specific affirmations and encouragement to tell you. Even when I’d visit her in her late 90’s (she lived to be 100 years and 4 months young) armed with the latest happenings in my life or photos to share thinking I’d brighten HER day, I’d be the one leaving our visits feeling better about myself and uplifted!
Here are a few principles I’m still learning to help ensure my elevator takes people up:

Lavish praise three to four times more often than correction or criticism:  
I’m not sure where I heard it, but it makes sense. It’s easy to find an elevator going down, so we need to combat them with praise. I sometimes get those ratios turned up-side-down, especially with my teen when he’s being, well, a teen. But it’s important to remember to be generous with our praise.

Be specific & personal: 
I can attest to how important and lasting praise can be when following this principle. I was 19 or 20 living on the North side of Chicago and often visited my Great Grandmother at her Oak Brook Terrace home. She would always introduce me to whatever friends happened to be in the elevator or building as we passed, boasting how proud she was of me. She’d tell anyone who would listen (and a few who didn’t) how impressed she was with my living on my own and that I’d drive anywhere in any kind of weather. She often told me that many of her friends wouldn’t drive past Cass Avenue but she’d tell them how her Great Granddaughter drove all over. It was a small thing, and I was 19 and didn’t have the sense not to drive in sleet or torrential downpours, but it always stuck with me. So much so that when I’m feeling a little apprehensive driving during inclement weather, I remember my Great Grandma’s words and am encouraged to keep going.

Leave a lasting impression:  
It’s not so much about the words, but the way in which they make the recipient feel. They may not always remember verbatim what was said or written, but they WILL remember the feelings they experienced, I still remember feeling special and loved by the note my Dad wrote me before I attended my first Prom (titled “As You Are Promed” – - you have to know my Dad’s sense of humor!). I don’t remember exactly all the words he wrote (though I have it tucked away in a scrapbook and could look it up), but I do remember the feelings felt. What feelings and lasting impressions do your words leave?

These are the 3 principles I’m learning, and would love to hear any additional ones you know. Please e-mail me with your ideas. I may even share them in my next e-zine.

“Going up?!”

Inner Strength

The other day I was driving in the car with my 3-year old son, listening to my iPod through the car radio. The song Ballroom Blitz by Sweet (circa) came on and I started jamming “old school”. Aidan was singing right along! Curious what he was singing, I turned down the radio and cracked up listening to him sing , “On the list……on the list”.

Chuckling, I explained that the words were “Ballroom Blitz”.  He was ADAMANT that I was wrong and the words were “On the list”!  No matter how hard I tried to convince him, he wouldn’t hear of it.

This happens to us too!  Sometimes WE hear things rattling around in our own minds or coming from our own lips that aren’t true. Have you ever made an off the cuff disparaging remark about yourself in front of someone and have them counter what you just said?  Maybe you said something like, “I’m just not good at public speaking like you” and they disagreed.  Perhaps they even shared a time they thought you were quite inspiring. No matter how hard your friend may try to convince you that your public speaking is great, you won’t hear of it. When the negative thought is so prominent it’s hard to believe the truth just like Aidan not believing me about the song lyrics.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on this as I prepare for a talk I’m giving next week on Being a Woman of Strength Inside and Out, where I’ll be covering the inner strength portion.  We cannot have inner strength if we don’t master our inner dialogue. 

Mastering our inner dialogue is much more than just a positive attitude.  It’s about the subconscious and conscious beliefs we have, how they make us feel, and how they either empower or sabotage our actions.  The conscious and subconscious must be in alignment. If you are saying “I want that promotion”, but your subconscious dialogue is saying “Yeah, but, that will mean a whole lot more hours” or “But I probably won’t get it, Linda is much more qualified” or “I’m not sure I have what it takes”, guess what? You DON’T! I’m not trying to be mean, but rather help you understand how important it is to believe in what it is you say you want. Napoleon Hill says it best:  “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve”. (Hear him directly at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hA-7aq6OXI)

I often give a talk titled What’s on Your Inner MP3 Player? in which I share more on this subject. I use the example of an MP3 player to represent our mind with a variety “songs or thoughts”.

The cycle goes something like this:
• The playlist starts and we hear the internal negative or limiting thought.
• We begin to buy into it.
• This alters our beliefs and can cause fears.
• These fears bring forth more negative thoughts and feelings that hold us back.
• From there, we begin making excuses for why we can’t achieve our goal or be who we want to be.
• These excuses then keep us from taking the actions that really can create the results of our heart’s desire.

It’s a sabotaging playlist and negative cycle often repeated over and over again. The good news is that while we all struggle with this to one degree or another, we CAN change our tunes and create greater success!

Five keys for taming your inner Slumdog

I recently saw the Oscar-winning movie Slumdog Millionaire.  It’s rare that I agree with “The Academy”, but this was a really terrific movie with such a moving story.  As you likely have heard, it’s about a young boy, Jamal, from the slums of Mumbai, India who overcomes some incredible odds in his life and ends up winning the grand prize on India’s version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire.  That we know from the trailers.  What the movie is most about, though, is the journey this boy and his brother, Salim, take that leads them to where they are.

I won’t give away too much so as to spoil it for you, but suffice it to say, they’ve had a large amount of hardship starting at a very young age.  The young brothers, considered “slumdogs”, lived in great poverty, were ignored, discarded, and even abused. 

We see the two brothers each shaped differently by their experiences.  Salim becomes hardened, jaded, and at times, cruel: focused only on money and trying to survive.  He turns his back on love in all its forms.

Jamal goes through the same journey yet holds fast to his dreams for something better.  It was love (and not just love for his girl) that made Jamal fully reveal his humanity to others…it is what made him so different from his brother. 

There are so many messages one can get from this gem of a film.  The thought that stayed with ME after seeing it was how different each of these young men becomes.  They start at the same point, yet end up in such different places, having walked the same path.  This is not an unfamiliar story.  Many autobiographies share stories of overcoming poverty, abuse, disabilities, and insurmountable odds to surpass what was believed possible for them.  Some examples are the likes of Oprah and Abraham Lincoln—to name but a few.

What can we learn from the similar themes of each of these stories? Just like Jamal, these people didn’t let their circumstances shape their lives.  They rose above their “handicaps” and worked to create a greater outcome.

As I further reflected on this theme, I discovered that the “slumdog” to me represents our “dark side”: our fears, disbeliefs, jaded attitudes, self doubt, and external obstacles. Feeling invisible and discarded can make a person fearful and live their life in that “darker side” as was exemplified in Salim.

Here are five keys to taming YOUR inner Slumdog:

1. Hold fast to your vision and do not let go of it, despite what may seem like insurmountable odds. Victory may be right around the corner but you won’t know it if you quit.

2. When you succeed, recognize that there will be doubters!  There will be those that want to bring you down in order to make themselves feel better.  They may mistakenly believe that just because THEY couldn’t do what you’ve done YOU can’t either.

3. Know that you CAN choose your path despite circumstances. Be conscious about your choices so you don’t feel like a victim of your circumstances.  Remember, when you say “Yes” to one thing you are automatically saying “No” to something else.  Follow your gut instinct, it’s usually right.

4. Love conquers all!

5. Keep your mindset positive and empowering.  Working in the IT world for so many years, I often heard the expression “Garbage in, garbage out” as it relates to the quality of computer programming.  Well, our mind is the ultimate computer program and this too applies. So put GOOD STUFF IN!

 

Your Guilt-Free Assignment (should you wish to accept it)

Are you curious to find out just how supportive your mindset is to helping you achieve your goals and increasing your self-confidence?  You can take my complimentary Mindset Mastery assessment when you go to www.SteppingStoneCourses.com and click on the red pencil.  There are only 20 short questions to answer and tally up for your score.

If you’re not happy with your score, my 12-week course on Mindset Mastery may be just what you need to overcome your obstacles and clear away your MENTAL Clutter.  This life-changing series is specifically designed for today’s busy lifestyle. These mini courses are conducted by phone and created so you can make the significant changes necessary to reach your goals in just 12 weeks. This is done by providing concentrated, manageable, step-by-step learning PLUS the coaching and accountability to get them done! Visit www.SteppingStoneCourses.com for details or to take my complimentary assessments!

Jai Ho! (translation – May victory be yours)

© 2009 Victoria Cook. All Rights Reserved.

About the Author:

Victoria Cook is a successful speaker, Certified Professional Coach, and creator of The Guilt-Free Results System™.  Using her 7 step system, Victoria helps women professionals and practitioners create the guilt-free results they desire.  Get free resources for increasing YOUR time and reducing stress at http://www.theguiltfreecoach.com/gift.