Does your elevator take people up?

Would it surprise you to know research shows that 80% of people have increased productivity after being praised for their work? Or that when children are praised for their efforts, and not their intelligence, they have improved scores on some tests by 30% and were eager to tackle harder tests? What about hair stylists garnering better tips by giving customers compliments on their new look?* What is the common thread in all of these examples? Specific compliments, affirmation, and encouragement.

How’s your elevator ride?

Who doesn’t enjoy receiving kudos for a job well done, or good effort put forth, but how often do we think to dole them out to others. I know I strive to do so in my daily life but occasionally fall short. The other evening I was watching the bonus features from the movie bella, and was again confronted with the importance of praise. Director/Writer, Alejandro Monteverde, said, “To me, people are elevators. You get in with them and they take you up, or you get in with them and they take you down.” That really struck a chord causing me to evaluate my words and actions. I had to ask myself is my elevator regularly taking people up or down.

It’s easy to get caught up in the flurry of work and home activities, and checking off the to-do list; taking dear family and friends a bit for granted. It’s not unusual to focus on what needs improving and forget to praise, affirm and compliment what’s right!

My best example
My Great Grandmother, Marie, was a person in my life who best exemplified Alejandro’s sentiment above. She’s pictured to the right on her 97th Birthday. For as long as I can remember she always had a kind word, specific affirmations and encouragement to tell you. Even when I’d visit her in her late 90’s (she lived to be 100 years and 4 months young) armed with the latest happenings in my life or photos to share thinking I’d brighten HER day, I’d be the one leaving our visits feeling better about myself and uplifted!
Here are a few principles I’m still learning to help ensure my elevator takes people up:

Lavish praise three to four times more often than correction or criticism:  
I’m not sure where I heard it, but it makes sense. It’s easy to find an elevator going down, so we need to combat them with praise. I sometimes get those ratios turned up-side-down, especially with my teen when he’s being, well, a teen. But it’s important to remember to be generous with our praise.

Be specific & personal: 
I can attest to how important and lasting praise can be when following this principle. I was 19 or 20 living on the North side of Chicago and often visited my Great Grandmother at her Oak Brook Terrace home. She would always introduce me to whatever friends happened to be in the elevator or building as we passed, boasting how proud she was of me. She’d tell anyone who would listen (and a few who didn’t) how impressed she was with my living on my own and that I’d drive anywhere in any kind of weather. She often told me that many of her friends wouldn’t drive past Cass Avenue but she’d tell them how her Great Granddaughter drove all over. It was a small thing, and I was 19 and didn’t have the sense not to drive in sleet or torrential downpours, but it always stuck with me. So much so that when I’m feeling a little apprehensive driving during inclement weather, I remember my Great Grandma’s words and am encouraged to keep going.

Leave a lasting impression:  
It’s not so much about the words, but the way in which they make the recipient feel. They may not always remember verbatim what was said or written, but they WILL remember the feelings they experienced, I still remember feeling special and loved by the note my Dad wrote me before I attended my first Prom (titled “As You Are Promed” – - you have to know my Dad’s sense of humor!). I don’t remember exactly all the words he wrote (though I have it tucked away in a scrapbook and could look it up), but I do remember the feelings felt. What feelings and lasting impressions do your words leave?

These are the 3 principles I’m learning, and would love to hear any additional ones you know. Please e-mail me with your ideas. I may even share them in my next e-zine.

“Going up?!”

Inner Strength

The other day I was driving in the car with my 3-year old son, listening to my iPod through the car radio. The song Ballroom Blitz by Sweet (circa) came on and I started jamming “old school”. Aidan was singing right along! Curious what he was singing, I turned down the radio and cracked up listening to him sing , “On the list……on the list”.

Chuckling, I explained that the words were “Ballroom Blitz”.  He was ADAMANT that I was wrong and the words were “On the list”!  No matter how hard I tried to convince him, he wouldn’t hear of it.

This happens to us too!  Sometimes WE hear things rattling around in our own minds or coming from our own lips that aren’t true. Have you ever made an off the cuff disparaging remark about yourself in front of someone and have them counter what you just said?  Maybe you said something like, “I’m just not good at public speaking like you” and they disagreed.  Perhaps they even shared a time they thought you were quite inspiring. No matter how hard your friend may try to convince you that your public speaking is great, you won’t hear of it. When the negative thought is so prominent it’s hard to believe the truth just like Aidan not believing me about the song lyrics.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on this as I prepare for a talk I’m giving next week on Being a Woman of Strength Inside and Out, where I’ll be covering the inner strength portion.  We cannot have inner strength if we don’t master our inner dialogue. 

Mastering our inner dialogue is much more than just a positive attitude.  It’s about the subconscious and conscious beliefs we have, how they make us feel, and how they either empower or sabotage our actions.  The conscious and subconscious must be in alignment. If you are saying “I want that promotion”, but your subconscious dialogue is saying “Yeah, but, that will mean a whole lot more hours” or “But I probably won’t get it, Linda is much more qualified” or “I’m not sure I have what it takes”, guess what? You DON’T! I’m not trying to be mean, but rather help you understand how important it is to believe in what it is you say you want. Napoleon Hill says it best:  “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve”. (Hear him directly at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hA-7aq6OXI)

I often give a talk titled What’s on Your Inner MP3 Player? in which I share more on this subject. I use the example of an MP3 player to represent our mind with a variety “songs or thoughts”.

The cycle goes something like this:
• The playlist starts and we hear the internal negative or limiting thought.
• We begin to buy into it.
• This alters our beliefs and can cause fears.
• These fears bring forth more negative thoughts and feelings that hold us back.
• From there, we begin making excuses for why we can’t achieve our goal or be who we want to be.
• These excuses then keep us from taking the actions that really can create the results of our heart’s desire.

It’s a sabotaging playlist and negative cycle often repeated over and over again. The good news is that while we all struggle with this to one degree or another, we CAN change our tunes and create greater success!