Five keys for taming your inner Slumdog

I recently saw the Oscar-winning movie Slumdog Millionaire.  It’s rare that I agree with “The Academy”, but this was a really terrific movie with such a moving story.  As you likely have heard, it’s about a young boy, Jamal, from the slums of Mumbai, India who overcomes some incredible odds in his life and ends up winning the grand prize on India’s version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire.  That we know from the trailers.  What the movie is most about, though, is the journey this boy and his brother, Salim, take that leads them to where they are.

I won’t give away too much so as to spoil it for you, but suffice it to say, they’ve had a large amount of hardship starting at a very young age.  The young brothers, considered “slumdogs”, lived in great poverty, were ignored, discarded, and even abused. 

We see the two brothers each shaped differently by their experiences.  Salim becomes hardened, jaded, and at times, cruel: focused only on money and trying to survive.  He turns his back on love in all its forms.

Jamal goes through the same journey yet holds fast to his dreams for something better.  It was love (and not just love for his girl) that made Jamal fully reveal his humanity to others…it is what made him so different from his brother. 

There are so many messages one can get from this gem of a film.  The thought that stayed with ME after seeing it was how different each of these young men becomes.  They start at the same point, yet end up in such different places, having walked the same path.  This is not an unfamiliar story.  Many autobiographies share stories of overcoming poverty, abuse, disabilities, and insurmountable odds to surpass what was believed possible for them.  Some examples are the likes of Oprah and Abraham Lincoln—to name but a few.

What can we learn from the similar themes of each of these stories? Just like Jamal, these people didn’t let their circumstances shape their lives.  They rose above their “handicaps” and worked to create a greater outcome.

As I further reflected on this theme, I discovered that the “slumdog” to me represents our “dark side”: our fears, disbeliefs, jaded attitudes, self doubt, and external obstacles. Feeling invisible and discarded can make a person fearful and live their life in that “darker side” as was exemplified in Salim.

Here are five keys to taming YOUR inner Slumdog:

1. Hold fast to your vision and do not let go of it, despite what may seem like insurmountable odds. Victory may be right around the corner but you won’t know it if you quit.

2. When you succeed, recognize that there will be doubters!  There will be those that want to bring you down in order to make themselves feel better.  They may mistakenly believe that just because THEY couldn’t do what you’ve done YOU can’t either.

3. Know that you CAN choose your path despite circumstances. Be conscious about your choices so you don’t feel like a victim of your circumstances.  Remember, when you say “Yes” to one thing you are automatically saying “No” to something else.  Follow your gut instinct, it’s usually right.

4. Love conquers all!

5. Keep your mindset positive and empowering.  Working in the IT world for so many years, I often heard the expression “Garbage in, garbage out” as it relates to the quality of computer programming.  Well, our mind is the ultimate computer program and this too applies. So put GOOD STUFF IN!

 

Your Guilt-Free Assignment (should you wish to accept it)

Are you curious to find out just how supportive your mindset is to helping you achieve your goals and increasing your self-confidence?  You can take my complimentary Mindset Mastery assessment when you go to www.SteppingStoneCourses.com and click on the red pencil.  There are only 20 short questions to answer and tally up for your score.

If you’re not happy with your score, my 12-week course on Mindset Mastery may be just what you need to overcome your obstacles and clear away your MENTAL Clutter.  This life-changing series is specifically designed for today’s busy lifestyle. These mini courses are conducted by phone and created so you can make the significant changes necessary to reach your goals in just 12 weeks. This is done by providing concentrated, manageable, step-by-step learning PLUS the coaching and accountability to get them done! Visit www.SteppingStoneCourses.com for details or to take my complimentary assessments!

Jai Ho! (translation – May victory be yours)

© 2009 Victoria Cook. All Rights Reserved.

About the Author:

Victoria Cook is a successful speaker, Certified Professional Coach, and creator of The Guilt-Free Results System™.  Using her 7 step system, Victoria helps women professionals and practitioners create the guilt-free results they desire.  Get free resources for increasing YOUR time and reducing stress at http://www.theguiltfreecoach.com/gift.

 

 

 

 

 

Feeling Drained?

Feeling Drained?

 

Like fuel in a car, energy is the catalyst needed to keep us in the driver’s seat of our life.  Everything we do in life either give us energy or drains our energy.  How can we ensure we have the energy needed to get done the things most important to us? Here are 5 quick tips:

 

 

1.  Identify what’s draining you.  Is it nagging items on your to-do list, a family crisis, poor health, the clutter around you, or other tolerations with which you’ve been putting up?  These things not only take up our physical time, they also take up mental mind space that can be used for more productive activities. 

 

Write all these drainers down on a list.  The mere act of doing this will help you begin to reclaim your energy and increase awareness of the energy drainers in your life.  Once identified, begin taking actions to correct or mitigate the situation(s).

 

2.  Discover what really nourishes you.  What are the 2 or 3 things you need in the various areas of your life to really be at your best?  If you’re having trouble coming up with ideas, think about what’s missing when you’re not at your peak.  Once you’ve identified what you REALLY need each day, put plans in place to ensure they are in your life for peak energy efficiency!

 

3.  Don’t major on the minors.  Most things in life are not as major as we often make them out to be.  When you feel your energy slipping and your temper about to blow, stop and ask yourself, “In 5 years will this really matter?”  If the answer is no, then don’t lose sleep, or energy, over it.

 

 

4.  Reconnect with your life’s purpose and goals.  Spending some time reviewing why it is you value what you set about doing can help fuel lost energy for your goals. Then identify one or two quick things you can do to move towards your goal and get them done.  This will help you begin building momentum and spur your desire to continue taking steps towards your goal.

 

5.  Care for the physical you.  Sticking with the car analogy of the beginning of this article, you must keep up your “regular maintenance” to ensure efficient use of your  body and energy.  Schedule time for those long over due Dr. appointments and your “2,000 mile check-ups”.  When eating, make healthier choices 80% of the time so you have a little room for life’s luxuries, and keep your body moving.  Whether you enjoy sporting activities, aerobics, or just strolling through the park with a friend, move your body 15 – 20 minutes per day. These simple principles, along with getting regular rest, will keep the physical you in peak performance.

 

Caring for yourself is NOT a luxury, but truly a NECESSITY in order to be running on all 6 cylinders with ample energy to be in the driver’s seat of your life and care for those around you.  It’s about as “selfish” as the airlines telling you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping those with whom you are traveling.  You can help them get their masks on if you’re not breathing.  The same is true of life, if you don’t keep your energy reserves up, you won’t have any to give.  See you in the express lanes!

 

 

 

Making Your Future Nostalgia a Reality

In my article Create Your Future Nostalgia, I shared details on the visioning portion of the process for creating what’s most important.   Once you have your clear vision, it’s going to take some ACTION to get there.  Here’s how to create your “Future Nostalgia” TODAY!

 

Get into ACTION:

 

Take a look at your vision and take the time to break it down into smaller steps. These steps can be Quarterly, Monthly, and Weekly goals or milestones.  Markers along the way of your journey to help gauge your progress, assess your strategies, and make any adjustments to your plans.

 

Strengthen Your Habits:

It’s important to develop some strong daily habits for success.  What are those things you need to be doing EACH DAY to move you towards your goals?  Is it calling 5 new prospects, reading some inspirational quotes to maintain your motivation, planning your day, tracking the previous day’s progress, or sending 3 personal notes to current clients? Remember what Aristotle said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”

Maintain Your Momentum:

 

Momentum is defined as “strength or force gained by motion or through the development of events”.

 

Once you get into action, maintaining that action and taking more small steps towards your goal will fuel your enthusiasm and create momentum.  Here’s a 3-Step Recipe for maintaining your momentum:

 

1: REVIEW YOUR PLANS

The best way to maintain momentum is to regularly review your plans.  You won’t know how you’re doing if you’re not reviewing plans and gauging your success. 

 

It’s not about making yourself feel bad or guilty for not hitting the mark, but to see what’s working, what’s not, and what needs altering.  Make your plan reviews FUN and rewarding.  I’ve had clients who schedule a “Starbucks Meeting” with themselves each week to have their favorite hot beverage while reviewing their plan and scheduling their week.  I personally like to do my plan reviews during a pedicure!  What would make it fun and inviting for you? 

 

2: CELEBRATE SUCCESSES

Celebrate each success and mile marker along the way…regardless of how small! That will help to feed your energy, increase excitement and keep the momentum rolling!  It doesn’t have to be anything huge or even expensive.  The key is to acknowledge yourself for what you have completed and give yourself a treat or pat on the back.  We’re often our own worst critics and the first to kick ourselves in the pants when we aren’t producing, so be fair and reward yourself too!

 

3: BE ACCOUNTABLE

The real secret to success is accountability! You’re likely a person of your word, except when committing to yourself.  It’s easy to let yourself off the hook or say, “I’ll get that done tomorrow or next week”.  That’s where an accountability partner can be there to point out where you might be giving up on yourself, brainstorm ways around whatever obstacle is keeping you down, and encourage you to persevere.

 

The American Society for Training & Development’s research shows that being accountable to someone else AND having an “accountability appointment” with that person increases your odds of success to 95%. Good accountability sources can include a mentor, a peer group, trusted friend who believes in you, or a Mastermind group.  I may be biased, but I believe the ultimate accountability partner is a COACH!

 

Invest some time, planning, action and accountability in yourself and your family to create your “Future Nostalgia” today and you won’t have the regrets and guilt tomorrow!

Create Your Future Nostalgia

Today, 67% of women with children under the age of 18 are employed, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.  Results from my own survey show that women find trying to be “Super Mom” is not so super – leaving them depleted, resentful, stressed, and feeling guilty. If you’re a working parent reading this, I’m sure I don’t have to tell YOU that!

 

As working parents, we want to get it all done AND feel good about it.  Don’t you wish that your future self could tell you what you can do so that you can stop trying to be “Super Mom” and live without regrets? Here is an opportunity to learn from someone with a lifetime of experience.  We can all learn something from her insight.  The late Erma Bombeck wrote this after she found out she had cancer:

If I Had My Life To Live Over

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the “good” living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television – and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”

There would have been more “I love yous”.. More “I’m sorrys” …

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it … live it…and never give it back.

 

At the heart of this is what EVERY mother (or father) wants for themselves and family. Too often people wait until the opportunities are gone before learning these things. 

Instead of waiting, the beginning of 2009 is a great time to use forward thinking to create the memories (or future nostalgia) you desire for yourself, your family, and business.  What will you miss when it’s gone? Will you miss the time you didn’t spend or things you didn’t do with your children, family and self? Where do you want to take your business this year?  On December 31, 2009 what do you want to remember most about this year? 

Wasted time can only bring regret, sorrow and guilt.  Procrastination is a thief of time and livelihood.  Tomorrow is a mystery but you have the opportunity to create your future nostalgia NOW.  If you wait around for good things to happen, you will always be waiting. Your life and future is at your fingertips.  Believe it and live it.

As Erma realized and expressed, there’s no point trying to be “Super Mom” at the expense of really living your life. See my article Making Your Future Nostalgia a Realty for details on how to bring your future nostalgia to life.    

Are you changing for good?

I’ve been reading the book “Changing For Good: A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program for Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward” (Authors James O. Prochaska, PH.D., John C. Norcross, PH.D., and Carlo C. Diclemente, PH.D.).  I first heard about it from a colleague who said it would be a good book for me to read to better understand how and why people change.  As a coach, that’s one of the BIG things I work on with my clients…CHANGE; whether it’s changing their habits for greater success, changing their marketing for a clearer message and more business, or changing personally for growth and greater fulfillment. 

I hope to enlighten you, as my reading has done for me, and encourage you to not give up too early on your changes. Below I’ve summarized the six well-defined stages of change as outlined by the authors: 

Precontemplation – Precontemplators resist change.

In this stage there is generally no recognition of the problem or intention to change. On the outside, others may see the problem very clearly, but the precontemplator cannot. Often precontemplators don’t want to change but rather desire those around them to change instead.

Contemplation – In this stage the problem is recognized, but the contemplator isn’t quite ready to move into action.

When in this stage, a person acknowledges they have a problem and begin to think seriously about changing it.  They may even have plans for taking action within the next six months, but no actual commitment to do so. When transition begins to occur from this stage of change to the next, a person begins focusing more on the solution vs. the problem and thinking more about the future instead of dwelling on the past.

Preparation – Plans for action are being put in place and being made public.

The person in the preparation phase may appear to be ready for action, but they may still need to convince themselves that taking action is what’s best for them.  They are often already beginning to make small behavioral changes.  Their awareness of the problem is high and they are anticipating the changes and action to come.

Action – Now habits are modified and fears confronted! This stage is the only time a person makes progress for overcoming their problem.

During the action phase of change, “…a person makes the move for which they’ve been preparing.”  Action is visible to those around them. Encouragement and support are critical at this stage.  This is the busiest stage and takes a great deal of commitment of time and energy.  However, this stage does NOT complete the changes.

Maintenance – For change to be permanent, previous gains attained must be combined and lapses or relapses prevented.

The authors are quick to point out that, “change never ends with action…in fact [maintenance] is a critically important continuation that can last from as little as six months to as long as a lifetime.  Without a strong commitment to maintenance, there will surely be relapse, usually to the precontemplation or contemplation stage.”

Termination – This is the ultimate goal for all changers.

In this stage, the problem is no longer present any temptation or threat.  There is complete confidence that lasting change has been made without fear of relapse. The key indicator a person is ready for termination is if they are able to maintain their change without any continuing effort on their part.  If so, they are ready to  exit the cycle of change and have won over their struggle.

Through their in depth research, the authors are quick to point out that every move from one stage of change to the next represents considerable progress.  They note, “If, after years of avoiding a problem, you consciously begin to acknowledge it exists, and think seriously about changing it, the transition from precontemplation to contemplation is no less significant than from preparation to action.” Action is certainly important, however, it is not the LAST step in the cycle. The danger here is equating action with change. Remember, there are still two whole stages to completing the change cycle after action takes place.  Simply identifying where you are in the various stages of change can greatly improve your chances of taking effective action and making long term change.

Over the years I’ve worked on some of my own change, sometimes successfully and other times, not so much. At times this has left me, personally, feeling a bit like a failure. What I’m learning, by reading this enlightening book, is that these stages of change take place over a period of time. In order to successfully change, we actually have to go through each stage. I mistakenly thought you recognize a problem, decide to change it, take the action and you’re done. I hope you now see, as I do, there is much more to it than that!

Your Guilt-Free Assignment (should you wish to accept it)
Now YOU know that change is a process. If you aren’t yet where you want to be now you know it’s because you haven’t yet gone through each stage. If you’re serious about making some changes: 

• 1. Identify one change or habit you want to make, that will enhance your life or further your goal, you have yet to accomplish.
• 2. Review the stages of change and identify which stage you are currently in as it relates to making this change. Be honest with yourself.
• 3. In a journal, notebook, or on the computer, write out the previous stages you’ve already gone through and what you experienced in each. Make not of anything that was particularly helpful to you in progressing to the next stage.
• 4. Look ahead to which stage of change is next for you. Write down your thoughts on that stage and anything that comes to mind that raises your awareness of what’s next or helps you move that direction.

Now we know, change takes time…6 stages in fact!  If you’re ready to make some change and could benefit from someone walking along side you through the process, I’m happy to help!  This is part of the work I do with my private coaching clients as well as those in my Best Year Ever Group Coaching Program.  The program can be especially helpful if you are in the preparation stage or further along. 

The Best Year Ever Group Coaching Program provides biweekly calls which include a brief lesson on a relevant topic and expert coaching to keep you focused on moving forward and creating your Best Year.  You’ll also receive specifics to get going with momentum for whatever stage of change you are in. The calls also provide accountability, support, and the resources to continue making your changes through the end of the six stages so your business and personal life continue getting better and better.  Visit www.BestYearEverCoaching.com for details or to register so you don’t miss another call!

© 2009 Victoria Cook. All Rights Reserved.

Want to use this article on your website or your own ezine? No problem! But here’s what you MUST include:

Victoria Cook, The Guilt-Free Coach, helps ambitious working Moms create more time and focus to accomplish their goals, grow their business, and live guilt-free! To get YOUR F.R.E.E. resources for increasing YOUR time and reducing stress, visit www.TheGuiltFreeCoach.com/gift.

Did you pick a good one?: 5 keys to creating a more positive attitude

I was reminded about the importance of choosing a good attitude at a High Tea and women’s networking event I attended a couple weeks ago. The feature speaker, Laurie Nelson from Family Services, did a great job of sharing some benefits of a positive attitude and how to work towards creating one. Here are the 5 key highlights I took away from her talk:

You’ll feel better

A positive attitude makes you feel better, more energetic, and people are more drawn to being around you. Some studies have shown that a positive attitude can help fight disease. Laurie quoted that optimists are 55% less likely to die than elderly pessimists. Even if these statistics are only half true, it would still be worth choosing a positive attitude!

 We believe what we repeatedly hear

Laurie reminded us that our brains are wired to believe what we repeatedly hear, whether it’s positive or negative. That’s why affirmations are a great way to work on changing our attitude. Affirmations can be used to positively influence negative feelings, thoughts and emotions.

OK, if you were watching late night TV in the 90’s thoughts of Al Franken’s Saturday Night Live character, Stuart Smalley, are probably coming to mind, “I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!”? Sure, he provided a great chuckle, but say that sentence aloud in front of your mirror every day and see what kind of changes it can make in your confidence. As a bonus, I bet it makes you smile! Maybe that’s not the right affirmation for you, but you get the idea!

Affirmations really do work. They change us on a cellular level. They serve as visualizations for what we want to do in our own life and set the intention to reach it. When repeated, they help us focus and create a sense of expectation about accomplishing what we confess. It creates stronger beliefs and helps rewire our brains to I CAN and I WILL if said regularly with a strong belief. Language is very powerful and we believe what we continually say.

Change YOUR tune

Garbage in, garbage out!! Affirmations are a terrific way to put more good stuff in. Here are 5 elements of a good affirmation to help you in creating your own:

1. Affirmations must be specific & measurable (just like a good goal)

2. Make it personal (“I…” or “I am…”)

3. Use the present tense

4. State your affirmation in the positive for a positive outcome

5. SUPER CHARGE your affirmation by adding EMOTIONS and feelings

 Don’t forget to write them down and say them aloud!

Choose happiness…

Make a habit of associating with happy successful people. Just like our Moms told us, “You become like those you associate with!”

 While we can’t change some of our situations, we CAN choose how we respond to them. Reframing less desirable circumstances in a positive way can help us learn from the experience and look for hidden opportunities.

 Your Guilt-Free Assignment (should you wish to accept it)

Pick one of the goals you’ve been struggling to achieve and see if you have any attitudes or beliefs that could be holding you back. Once identified, use the 5 elements above and create your own affirmation to counter that belief. Commit to choosing happiness and reciting your affirmation at the beginning and end of each day. Let me know how it’s going after a feew days or a week. If you are still struggling, let me know. I have a few more tricks up my sleeve for turning around affirmations that aren’t quite working for you.

 If you’re ready to accelerate your success and make 2009 your very best year, my new Best Year Ever Group Coaching program can make the difference. Each biweekly call includes a brief lesson (March is GOAL SETTING) on a relevant topic and expert coaching to keep you focused on creating your best year, and give you the specifics to get going with momentum. The calls will also provide accountability, support, and the resources to implement strategies that will keep your business and your life continually getting better and better. You can get this and more through myBest Year Ever Group Coaching program.

© 2009 Victoria Cook. All Rights Reserved.

 Want to use this article on your website or your own ezine? No problem! But here’s what you MUST include:

Victoria Cook, The Guilt-Free Coach, helps ambitious working Moms create more time and focus to accomplish their goals, grow their business, and live guilt-free! To get YOUR F.R.E.E. resources for increasing YOUR time and reducing stress, visit www.TheGuiltFreeCoach.com/gift